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| Dear slow driver,
So after this weekend I have decided the icthus is
about to come off and the middle finger is about to go up. You can keep
that from happening with a few minor changes in your driving. I have
no intention of asking you to drive any other speed than that which you
are comfortable with (although I question the masculinity of guys I
know who drive so freaking slow), my frustration is your unwillingness
to allow me to drive my desired speed while on the highway. What you
don't understand is that some of us actually have somewhere to be, and
people who actually want to see us there. The fact that you have
neither of these does not mean you need to steal my precious time.
In
reality, it is less about the time and more about winning the race.
You ask "who with?"- it's pretty simple- the car that is about 50
meters ahead of me at the time. Nevertheless, my beef still remains...
Here's the list of my grievances:
1-
When I was younger and being taught by one of you (a fellow speeding
impaired driver, who happens to be my dad), one of the basic rules of
courtesy on a one lane road was to slide over to the shoulder when
someone was clearly wanting to pass you. I must have missed the memo
where there was some sort of change to the rule; people now days prefer
me to risk my own life by sliding into oncoming traffic than simply
sliding over 6 feet while losing no speed of their own.
2nd
grievance- why do two people driving the same speed get in separate
lanes and drive next to each other? I don't care what speed you are
going, you can get behind one another and have a merry game of follow
the leader- trade off being in front if you both have control issues.
3rd
beef- why drive in the left lane when you know you are clearly not one
of the faster drivers on the road. In fact, all you rule followers who
will complain to me about driving the speed limit- follow the law and
stay in the right lane except for passing.
If you do this, I might just leave my little fishy on my car and keep my finger to myself... Please help me help you. 
Curt Steinhorst
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| A few months ago I posted a blog about how some memories can be
treasured so much that they leave me bitter and frustrated that I can't
get them back. I took a lot of hell from a couple of roommates who are
complete asses, but it wasn't enough to get me to stop thinking about
it. While I was in Asia, I started thinking about the fact that God is
outside of time and how that related to me and specifically the
struggles with past memories. How can I get my mind around something
so other from my existence? How can God be different than everything I
define my life by?
My last blog was all about my past. The
incredible thing, both for better and for worse, is that I can't change
my past. I have the ability to look into my past and think of some of
the true high points of my life with so much joy, and no fear that it
can ever be taken from me. What a gift from God. The problem with my
past is much the same; those moments that provide so much joy and
excitement are there, but I can't have them back. As good as my years
as a camper at Rio Vista were, they will never be again. That's the
problem
Then we have the present, which is all we really ever have.
Even my thoughts of the past that are so sweet or so bitter can only be
felt in the present. All of the pleasure that can be had in life can
only be experienced now. The single ambition of every person at every
moment is to maximize pleasure right now, in the present (and we are
far too easily settled on what we think will make us happy, it would
seem if God created us for pleasure, he would know the best way for us
to get it). So the present is great because it didn't happen and it
won't happen, it's happening. The problem is that it lasts for only
that moment before it hits the past and leaves me with the problem I
just talked about. Also, sometimes I hate the present, like when my
closest friend from high school called to ask me to pray for his family
because he was staring at his dead younger brother on the pavement of a
highway. I didn't like the present then, I wanted it to be so far in
my past or my future, anything but my present. The present can really
hurt.
That leaves the future. The future leaves me to dream of all
that can be. I love the possibilities of the future, so much so that
at times having to moving beyond possibilities of the future and into
the present that solidifies life ruins the joys that I had about all of
the different possibilities that could be. There is so much hope to be
had in the future; that I will make a difference in thousands of lives,
that God will create a beautiful painting on the blank canvas that is
currently there, that my wife will be there waiting for me. What joy.
Unfortunately, it isn't there. It's in my dreams, but it hasn't hit
reality- which is where life exists. All of my joys about my future
exist simply because they have the possibility of becoming my present.
Okay, so what's this have to do with God being out of time? It
seems that the presence of God is filled with all the great facets of
these parts of time without the downfalls of each. In God's eternal
presence, which we have named heaven, I get the security of memories
that bring so much joy, I have the fullness of pleasure in my present,
and I have the complete hope that every great possibility will reach
the current (and it already has in that moment that I hope for it). I
get this without the bitterness of great memories I can never
experience again, without the brokenness and suffering that can ruin
the present, and without the fear that my dreams might be dashed and
ruined by making one choice over another. That makes me excited about
heaven, and want more of God.
Maybe I just sound stupid to you, but
to me that is pretty exciting.... also so if that is what heaven is
like, what does that mean about hell and it's relation to time... all
of the bitterness of all my worst memories without the hope of a
future. anyway, just some thoughts, let me know if you think I have
been smoking something or if I make any sense. | | |
| I've been thinking a lot about the triviality of life. It
seems we dedicate so much energy towards doing a thousand things to
keep ourselves busy, to look cool, with absolutely no thought of
whether it matters at all for life and eternity.
Case and point: I went to a bar in Uptown/Yuppieville this weekend with some college friends (first time since I was in dallas to do this). It's
kind of a funny thing when you step back and look at what's happening.
Hundreds and hundreds of people literally pack themselves like sardines
into a little area where they can overspend for a drink that will help
them escape reality, then they proceed to walk around for one reason-
to find some person of the opposite sex that they can get with (or if
they are "moral", just get with in their hearts)… For some reason it is
okay in a bar for a guy to put his crotch on a girls ass and for a girl
come up and rub her entire body up against any guy she wants- that's
okay in this world. Anywhere else, we're talking lawsuit. It really is fascinating. You
think that at some point everyone would realize how ridiculous it is
and just get in a big line, partner up, and go have sex. Put a bag on their face if you don't like who you got assigned to, and realize you will get someone else the next night...
Now…
I realize that people in the church immediately can differentiate
themselves from "those" people because we are pursuing God's plan for
sex and marriage- which really is so much satisfying. But my question is this, are our lives any less trivial? Really…Are
we any less focused on ourselves, getting our needs, and desires for
entertainment and popularity met than those at the bar ? Do our
churches have any less a consumer mentality than everything else in our
culture?
I started thinking about this because I just spent an extended amount of time being completely broken before Jesus. It
started by me watching clips of and commentary on the movie Tears of
the Sun (how accurate it was)- it's a great movie. I was weeping before
the Lord over the evil and pain and brokenness that's happening all
over the world, and even more so over how little I'm doing about it. Really, people are being gruesomely tortured and if they are lucky dying right now all over the world. People
are being imprisoned because they believe in Jesus, children are being
murdered as I am typing this because they were borne into the weaker
tribe. So I am asking God why he lets this
happen (because I know He is completely sovereign), and I feel him
respond to me with a reminder of the resources he has given the United States. The church in the US
has more resources, (finances, man power, technological and medical
advances, education, and transportational means) than any other group
in the history of the world. So…what is it going to take to get us out of this self centered trivial life we live? When
will we as the church, the representative of God in the earth, rise up
and start meeting the arms of oppression in the earth- in Sudan, Morocco, Iraq, China, South Korea, Tibet, in Mexico, and the United States. What
will it take for me to stop thinking about how much I lifted yesterday
at Lifetime Fitness, or what this guy or that girl thinks of me? What can I, Curt Steinhorst, in Dallas Texas do about the injustice and oppression occurring right now? Answer, I don't know.
I
know that whatever it is, it won't be safe, it won't be easy, and if we
as the church- not the institution, but the people- will rise up and
work towards accomplishing our God ordained purpose, people will die-
US citizens, maybe even members from my church, will die (nevermind
that for every one of us that dies, there will be at least 1000
natives). I guess the whole taking up the cross
and following me deal might be closer to our hearts…What a great
adventure we have the chance to be a part of: binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming liberty to the captives, beauty for ashes, and the year of the Lord's favor…
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| Thanksgiving and my grandparents
There are about a million reasons why I should be thankful
today. Here's the one I hold most dear right now: This last
weekend we celebrated my grandparents 80th birthdays by bringing the
entire family together, taking pictures, going to On the Border
(where we had too much to drink), and then ending the night with a gift
giving event at our
house. My mom spent weeks organizing this event where
each family member presented Mammaw and Pap with a
gift, which served as a symbol of some memory we had of them
growing up. It began with my mom giving her father a
crousage to remember how he gave his daughters one every year
on their birthday. We covered things such as my grandmother's
incredible and sacrificial cooking and my grandfather's randition of
the old fairy tale, "Little green walking hood." We
rewrote the lyrics to these are a few of my favorite things, and also
wrote a really long poem that was framed and handed to them at the end
of the night. We
all laughed at old stories, and my grandparents cried. It truly
was a night I will never forget. While we were sitting with our
family, I realized the blessing of my grandparents and my whole
family. Words can't give justice to the example they have set for
the rest of us, they really can't. My grandmother has
always said that I was just like Pap. I carry his name, his hair color,
his personality and overall temperment. I just hope people can
look at me when I am 80 and say I lived like he did. Here's what
I mean:
My grandfather is a wonderful husband- he loves my grandmother with
everything he is. They were high school sweethearts, and it is
clear by the way that he looks at her even today that he is completely
captivated by her- a fairy tale story of love, faithfulness, and
service (the way Jesus called husbands to love their wives).
He is the best father anyone could ask for. My mom and her
sisters put him on the highest pedestal. He never raised his
voice (although he does regret spanking my aunt once for sticking her
tongue out at him- but if you knew my aunt, it was deserved ), was patient and gentle and loving and kind toward
them. They never wanted to disappoint Dad.
Lastly, he is the ideal grandfather. From coming to our
sporting events when we were young to taking us to Sea World to always
being in good spirits and laughing rather than yelling when "boys will
be boys," he has always been there. Here's the whole point of me
sharing this: The blessing that I have enjoyed of a healthy and loving
environment (which has made me who I am today) is a result of the
faithfulness of my grandfather
towards his wife and children (because of his faith in Jesus).
For this I am thankful, "The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. - Proverbs 20:7 " Thank you Pap (and mammaw, which I could have written something very similar about my grandmother). | | |
| Missing out on the adventure
My friend Sommer wrote this blog about wanting life to be about more
than the mundane, and how she wishes she didn't let the busyness of her
schedule get in the way of experiencing, tasting, touching, breathing
in all of life. It got me thinking about that stuff. I find
that I have this longing to live a crazy adventure, to experience more
than other people. A nightmare for me would be getting sucked
into a 9 to 5 and sitting in the same town forever. I guess I relate
living all of life to seeing the whole world, living in a tropical
paradise, on a mountain the rockies, in africa, australia, or any other
place far away. The problem I keep realizing is that every time I
have tried to settle on one place to start this crazy journey, I
eliminate all of the other experiences that I could have and will thus
be missing out on. So...even if I was living in the Rockies right
now- which was my plan up until about 2 months ago, I would be dreaming
of some other experience that I could be having at the time. In
truth, there is never an adventure that would really satisfy this
desire for another adventure (maybe if I had Solomon's life (harem
included))
Then I start looking at what everyone in the world is doing,
each with his little job, doing it to his best, paying bills, going
home, waking up the next day to start it over. Maybe I have to
just find life in the mundane, and realize that I am not made for being
in 1000 places, and one person's adventurous location is another's
hometown that breeds nothing but contempt and a longing for
elsewhere. So...how do I find life in Dallas texas? I guess
the same way everyone else does in every other place in the world-
being known by others and knowing others deeply. While trying to
avoid the cliche sound of "knowing (and being known by) Jesus," I
really think this has to be the root and essence of all of my
satisfaction and peace and contentment- if there is another answer,
then I haven't come anywhere close to finding it. I don't mean
knowing Jesus as if it is a one time prayer that ends with an
amen and a one way ticket to heaven, but about seeking to really know
the man, the Creator, the loving and kind Daddy whose name is Jesus-
not the american christian subculture Jesus who doesn't look anything
like the friend and father I love so deeply.
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